I am of the belief that we all begin our physical experience on this planet at a unique point in our personal spiritual evolution. Birth is not our initial manifestation; it is merely our latest intiation of a new creation. Conception is not the beginning of our existence; it is the opening night of our next performance. Conception is literally the birth of an idea. Our lives are a collection of our thoughts. We create our own reality, life after life, in order to participate in whatever lessons we believe will best advance our spiritual development.
As the director of our reality, we compose a storyline and select a cast of characters to correspond to that plot. Our life is a summation of our choices. Of course, when we choose certain people to be players in our scenes, we do not create the performers or their performance. We can only hope that they are suited for the part based on their audition. When the curtain rises, there is no guarantee that the actors will follow stage directions or even remember their lines.
Often we attract people into our life with expectations that do not match their results. Sometimes we cut people from our lives when they no longer serve our latest creation, but it is not uncomon for us to allow others to rewrite our plot entirely. Some players serve as inspiration, while others unexpectedly become drama queens who turn any performance into a tragedy. We are also simultaneously playing roles in the creations of others. We shift our energy in and out of those projects that appeal to our own character development or allow us to experiment with new genres. While we can contribute our unique gifts to every part we play, ultimately we do not have creative control over the lives of other people. If we are not mindful, it is easy to perceive our sudden removal from another’s project as a personal judgment, rather than a natural progression of a script revision.
Two of the primary and most influencial players we invite into our life play (or invite to play in our life) are our parents. We take great care in this selection process, for no other human beings will have such potential creative impact so early in our plot development. The reasons for choosing our parents are not always obvious. Many times we attract parents who appear to fall short of meeting our basic needs because we desire to experience choices that do not accompany an ideal childhood. Of course, no childhood is ever perfect, because life is a work in progress and, despite our best intentions, shit happens. Remember, even with a chronological advantage in this physical reality, our parents are still the evolving product of their choices. Many people accept the role of parent without a thorough understanding of the character or without genuine foresight that it is a lifelong production.
This is where I have been blessed. My parents have not only provided me with an exemplary model for self-exploration and self-definition, they have become trusted and supportive advisors, veracious yet compassionate critics, and humble partners in our co-creation. So much of what I have done and who I have become has only been a reflection of the admirable examples of my mother and father. But despite their undeniable influence in my development, they have offered tireless applause to my credit. Even when I’ve chosen roles that do not serve me or express my best work, they have focused my attention to the positive growth gained from experience. In my worst performances, they see unbounded potential. No matter what popular opinion provides, they are season ticket holders to my next creative experiment, always promoting a full house. And even when I’ve struggled to do more than sit in silence on a dark stage, I have always looked out to a standing ovation of two.
Life is a collection of choices. But I’ve had an unfair advantage.
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December 2, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Dad
Beautifully written! Your performing arts analogy works well in your interpretation of life. It is similar to my cascading waterfalls analogy and the interaction of water droplets.
Regarding the people we attract into our lives, I believe we attract them because we need them to teach us something about ourselves we are going to need to cope with some future event. The Universe always provides what we need whether we recognize it at the time or not. We can choose to live life on purpose or default (i.e., the fault of someone or something else).
On our ability to influence the behavior of others, I have long believed that constructive criticism is an oxymoron. People are like boats. The rudder is in the stern. We lead others most effectively from behind, not in front, not in their face. Unfortunately, many people treat people they feel superior to (e.g., children, students, employees, people who think differently, etc.) like pets on a leash. People will always act in their own self-interest, however they perceive it. Rejection means only that I have not provided enough data for someone to recognize their self-interest to overcome their fear of change. It is about learning to listen with your eyes for their fears. Fear is what prevents most people from acting in their own self-interest. Address fear first and behavior will follow like water and gravity.
Have you ever wondered how people can willingly spend months submerged in the ocean in one of the most hazzardous environments imaginable? Love, Dad
December 3, 2007 at 2:49 am
mrschili
One of my favorite books is Illusions by Richard Bach. In it, he says that “there is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. We seek our problems because we need their gifts.”
I was lucky to figure all of this out relatively early on. I don’t hate my parents, though by most assessments, I would have every right to. I understand that I chose them, and that we agreed to be certain things in each other’s lives. I truly believe that I agreed to be the one to come here and break the cycle of abuse and neglect that’s run for so many generations in our family, and I’m proud to have been able to do that. I feel sorry that my parents can’t come to the same realization - that their choices influence what happens in their lives - but that’s not MY lesson to teach them.
This was lovely. We have a lot of philosophy in common…
December 3, 2007 at 9:12 pm
twoblueday
I try to operate without a set of “beliefs.” I am sometimes at a loss to explain this. I guess what I mean is that I don’t want to, refuse to, have a “belief” structure based, essentially, on the unknowable.
Aha, you say, so where’s my moral compass? Well, I seem to have one based on, essentially, kindness, and I just “assume” it’s built into my genes. Unfortunately, but realistically, this leaves room for mean people to claim it is built into their genes to torture kittens (and so forth). Truth is, I don’t think any external “belief” structure (whether religion or other) would change them.
December 3, 2007 at 9:36 pm
nakedmessenger
I would never assume that structured beliefs are prerequisites for a moral compass. (: I only attempt to define my purpose here on the planet in terms of a larger picture for me to help make sense of my small role in an infinitely expanding universe. It is always possible that what I believe does not accurately reflect the same conclusions as our scientists or theologians. Thus is the spice of life! (: